he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
