That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
