I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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