i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Someone signed my nipple.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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