so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
