I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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