I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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