I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
