I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
