You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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