like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
