You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize