My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We are two peas in an std pod
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
