she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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