You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
