My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
