this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
third nipple confirmed
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
