You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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