If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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