Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
