if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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