i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
