Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
