you would pick up someone in the library
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
