i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
