i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
