chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
