Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
