dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
