ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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