i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
