I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
