i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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