Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
