So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Randomize
