put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
