Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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