That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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