she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize