Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
