You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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