It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
