Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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