Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
