You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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