I am in a vortex of obligation.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
