I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
