I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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