i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
