Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
