wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
