woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
