Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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