How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
