Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
