i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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