I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize