And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
