saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
