That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i was born a porn star she said
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
