D3 body, D1 cock
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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