I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
