He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He? As in you personified your dick?
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