how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
