he was CRYING into my vagina
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
