And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Send help, water and tortillas.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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