Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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