So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
