Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
