dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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