this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We are two peas in an std pod
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
