I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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