Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
