There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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