return my video game
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
