I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
