So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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