LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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