so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
