I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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